Celebrating the holidays after loss.

It was incredibly difficult to do so last year, trying to hide grief from a 6, 4, and 2 year old in the middle of what should be a ✨ magical ✨ season.
Our family, my husband and our kids, my father in law, and my 2 brother in laws, spent it separately for the 1st time in years. We were grieving in our own ways, I suppose, and respecting each other’s space in the process.

This year we all came back together, and since we lost our “Mom”, our “Nana”, who could sing a Christmas carol and cook a Thanksgiving beast of a feast like no other I was worried. My thoughts, among so many others:

• How can we cook everything she did while taking care of the cubs?
• Will this be pure chaos?
• Will everyone enjoy themselves or will it be incredibly sad?
• I’m not ready to fill my mom-in-law’s shoes.

But turns out it wasn’t sad at all and there was no pressure to fill shoes – we had a wonderful day enjoying each other’s company and being ourselves. The same silly kids we were all those years that Mom was here laughing at us. We just pitched in on dinner more than we would have in the past.

I’m so grateful for our family. It was really comforting to be together again, knowing we all missed and loved our new angel, but still able to find joy in this new stage of life, together.

…Oh, also there was definitely vomit, some pooped pants, a few broken things, and we forgot to make one of Mom’s traditional pies…so the answer to my own question about pure chaos was an absolute YES. 😂 But nothing we aren’t used to.

So. I would encourage anyone grieving a loss during the holidays, whether it’s been days or years, to grieve how you need to – listen to the songs he or she loved, and cry because you miss them terribly. Wear that t-shirt they always loved which now comforts you in their absence. Print out lots of photos and hang them up or add them to a photo album to help keep their memory alive. Do it alone or with people you trust, and take however long you need to because it’s okay. Loss and grief are a part of life, and you owe it to your body, your mental health, and those in your care to properly process and heal from a hurt that no one but you can understand.
And when you’re ready, on the other side better days are waiting, and even the holidays can be enjoyable again, reminiscing on or reviving traditions and good times you shared with those you’ve lost.

God bless everyone grieving, missing, and remembering loved ones this holiday season. ♥️